Until the end
by angely1515
Summary: Only moments between Kaidan, and John, some loving, some angry, some sad, but basically between them during and after the war.


John was enjoying a drink at the post observation room, when Garrus entered the room. He doesn't want to talk to anyone at the time, but Garrus is his friend he would understand better what was happening to him.

"Shepard what are you doing here so lonely."

"Meditating Garrus, the solitude of my cabin sometimes is too much for me," John said sadly.

Garrus poured himself a drink and then sat next to him, "Shepard you are Okay, what's wrong?" John looked at his glass for a moment before answering Garrus. "Have you noticed anything odd about Kaidan since he is back in the ship?"

"I don't understand your question Shepard?"

John let out a sigh; he didn't know what was going on with Kaidan. John felt that Kaidan was avoiding him, and that, without the power to avoid it was hurt him. "I think he is avoiding me. I invite him to my cabin, so we can talk, and have a few drinks with me, but he said no." Kaidan had told him that he didn't feel well, which was a lie because later he saw him with James and Cortez.

Garrus drank from his glass, and then stared at him. "You don't know Shepard?"

"Know what Garrus? In those three days that Kaidan has been in the ship he has been avoiding me completely, if he is drinking a coffee in the mess room, and I walk into the room he gives a stupid excuse and leaves the room." That was infuriating him.

"Shepard talks to him."

"Garrus I'm talking in Chinese or my translator is not working. Kaidan is avoiding me!" John said with frustration.

"Okay Shepard don't freak out, tell me how do you feel about that?"

John roll his eyes, his friend was making a fool with of him, and he was feeling he was in an office of a psychologist tell him about his problems. "Is fucking bothering my Garrus and I don't know why? I had never given importance to what others think about me, but with Kaidan it is different." John admitted what he didn't dare to admit to himself before. Kaidan 's reaction on Horizon hurt him a lot, but for some reason, John couldn't stay mad at him, and when he saw him almost get kill on Mars, John felt that his world crumble after seeing him lying on the floor.

"What do you feel for Kaidan Shepard?"

"Oh my God Garrus when this conversation turning on me? You haven't answered me, you've seen something strange in Kaidan, or not?" John asked angrily.

"Okay I'll answer, then you have to answer my question," Garrus finished his drink, serving another for them, "Yes I have seen Kaidan weird, but that's common when he is by you side."

"What do you mean?"

"Okay to answer that question you need to answer mine."

John got up from the chair and directed his gaze to the window thinking how the proximity of Kaidan's body excited him sometimes, at first John thought it was because it had been so long since the last time he had sex, but after having noticed the he didn't have that same reaction with anyone else, he felt very confused. John knew his shutter 's pilot Cortez is in love with him, and he couldn't deny that he thought about to take a chance with him because the truth is that he was tired of solitude in which he lived, but John didn't feel attracted to him. With Kaidan, John couldn't deny that he liked the idea. He couldn't deny that, in the battlefield he gets distracted looking at his ass.

"I don't Garrus the only thing I know is that when Kaidan is near my I can't control my body or my thoughts. Kaidan upsets me, but not in a bad way on the contrary, when he is by my side I feel good." He said with all sincerity.

"So that's the answer Shepard, you're in love, and I think that it's the same thing that happens to him. I have seen Kaidan look at you when you're not looking at him."

"You really believe that Garrus?" John asked with a smile.

"Yes, and I can see that it gives you joy to know it. Speak with him. "

"Garrus I do not how to express myself when it comes to things of love, is the first time I feel something like that."

"I don't know if I can help you there my friend, you humans are a bit complicated."

"Oh thank Garrus," John sighed, "I think I love him Garrus." No, he didn't think it, he was sure.

Garrus got up from the chair, "Well, that's old news to me, let me know how it goes with him, oh," Garrus put his hand on his shoulder, "do it soon because James is interested in him."

"Oh hell no."

"That's what I thought good nights Shepard."

John stayed a few minutes finishing his drink, and then he stood and headed for the door finding James and Kaidan. John could not help but feel jealous, after what Garrus told him. "I see Major, for your Commander you don't have time, but for the lieutenant you do."

"No, Shepard, John wait -"

'Save, Good night."

John headed to the elevator then inside he hit the switch to his cabin floor. Now he felt very confused and upset he didn't understand how Kaidan could reject him for James. What James has the he doesn't have. John entered his cabin, he was so tired of the loneliness, he was human he could feel like other people feel.

He wanted someone to be with him when things get tough, he wanted to love and be loved. It was hard to believe that a man as tough as John Shepard could feel so alone, and so eager to love. He died once, and by a chance of fate, he had a second chance, but he wanted to share this opportunity with someone, he wanted to have someone who after each mission gives him support. John preferred that someone is that sentinel who had the most beautiful brown eyes that he has ever seen in his life. John recalled that day he had to choose between Ashley and Kaidan just thinking that he was never going to see Kaidan again caused him physical pain. The two used to be very good friends John used to count on Kaidan for all. Kaidan used to listen to him without complaining, for hours.

John grabbed his data- pad to try to work for a while and distract his mind a bit; he concentrated on the report, which he was filling out without realizing the time. It was late when he heard the elevator arrive to his cabin floor. John looked towards his door and saw Kaidan walking true the door.

"Commander you care for some company?"

"I don't know Major maybe, I'm busy oh I don't feel good;" John said still working on his data- pad. He heard Kaidan murmuring something under his breath that he didn't understand. "What?"

"Are you angry with me?" Kaidan asks him.

"Let me think ... Yes Major." John says angry.

"I see, John -"

"Why Kaidan?" John put his data- pad aside in got up from the couch.

"Why what?" Kaidan approached him.

"Don't play dumb with me, I invited you here, and you tell me you don't feel well, and then I saw you with the other talking okay. If I enter where you are, you make up an excuse to leave. I don't understand. "

"I... Damnit-"

"Wait you're drunk?" John asks him after see him walking with difficulty.

"Well, a little."

"Oh great, not only you are avoiding me, but when you decide to come to my cabin you can't even walk." John grabbed his arm, "let's go to the couch."

"No Commander I have to tell you something."

"Kaidan you're very drunk, what do you drank?"

"James gave me an odd drink, I ... I told James that I needed to be drunk."

John looked at Kaidan with surprise, "Why?"

"To do this." Without thinking twice Kaidan put his hand around John's neck, drawing his commander's lips to his kissing him with passion.

John responded to the kiss with the same intensity putting his arms around Kaidan. The two kissed breathlessly until John had to break the kiss to breathe, but still hug him. He rested his forehead against Kaidan's. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"It was the only way that you couldn't see that I'm crazy about you. Every time I see you I feel the impulse to shout that I love you that I love you for many years. Every time you come near me you turn me on."

"Kaidan I share your feelings you should have told me."

Kaidan walked away from him the let out a sigh, "How John I have been very bad with you, in Horizon I turned my back on you, on Mars I distrust you throughout the mission, and you ... Damnit, and you have been more than an angel with me. At the hospital, I could see your concern for me ... I don't deserve you ... you deserve someone like Liara, who never turned her back at you, or Cortez the is dying for you,"

"Stop right there Kaidan I decide who to love or not, and I've always loved you."

Kaidan looked at John his eyes full of love, and at the same time clouded with tears. "Forgive me."

John took him in his arms. "I forgave you long ago," John sighed, "the truth is Kaidan I think I never get angry with you, how if I have always loved you, but I didn't have the courage to tell you which were my feelings for you. I think I was denying to myself how much I loved you."

"I love you so much I was afraid of your rejection Commander."

"Well, your Commander never would have rejected you, however, I felt happy when you came back."

Kaidan lifted his head looking at those blue eyes he loved so much, "do you want to be my boyfriend Commander Shepard?"

John chuckled, "I don't know a little bird told me that you and James -"

'"No, I mean yes he like me, but I told him no, please Commander do me the honor of being part of my life."

John grabbed his chin. "Only, if I can be an important part of your life."

"Deal. Now it would be a lot to ask you, to let me stay with you curled up in your arms I have a terrible headache."

"You didn't have to ask me, I wasn't planning to let you go, let's go to bed so you can lie down." John removed his boots watching him with a smile on his lips, a few hours ago he was feeling a miserable man, and now he felt the happiest man in the world. John approached his locker taking some pills. "They are not as strong as yours, but they can help you." John gave him a glass of water."

"Thanks John comes with me."

John lay down beside him, "I was very jealous when I saw you with James."

"I think I realized that."

"Oh, then you let me suffer for a while," John said stroking his cheek.

"I'm sorry I needed the alcohol in me, to grab courage and confess my love for you."

John unbuttoned Kaidan shirt touching his bare chest, he had forgotten that feeling. He felt Kaidan shake a the touch of his hand. "I think it's best to stop, you have ... Oh ... Kaidan" John felt Kaidan's hand brush his erection over his pants.

"I wish you Commander, so bad ..."

John climbed on top of him, kissing him with more intensity as he removed his shirt, then removing Kaidan's. He lowered his lips to Kaidan's neck while enjoying the caresses of Kaidan on his back, 'Oh, Kaidan it had been a long time since the last time ... I do not remember how to act. "

"Me too, let our desire to show us the way."

"You're very handsome Kaidan."

"No more than you, you drive me completely insane ..."

"You too ..."

Hours later John was facing down enjoying Kaidan touch on his back and on his ass. "Kaidan does you like it?"

"I don't Commander -"

John quickly turned around, "what you I didn't do it good? Didn't I please you? "John saw him laughing, "oh you are bad Major Alenko, I did please you."

"Oh yes you did I had never felt so much, how you made me feel. Turn around again."

John did biting his lips after feeling the hot oil on his back, "oh." John moaned as he felt his hands massaging his waist. "

"Does it hurt?"

"A little, the last mission I hurt my back.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Whatever you want."

"You're always on the top?"

John could not help laughing, "you are asking me if someone fucked me?"

"Yes," Kaidan said climbing onto him, and rubbing his cock against his ass.

"Well, Major, yes, I do not like it much, but if it is you I wouldn't mind ... Oh" John felt Kaidan's cock at the entrance of his ass. Kaidan leaned on John's body kissing his back,

"Damnit Commander, you are the sexiest man in the world. You want me to fuck you John?"

"Yes ..." It was much better, Kaidan was passionate, and tender with at once.

"John I love you ..." Kaidan said curled at his side.

John looked at him, brushing his lips against Kaidan's "I love you too ..."


End file.
